Karen's Carols
by I Run With Sporks
Summary: In which Karen is given a book of Christmas Carols right before Winter Break, and I felt that this was enough to make a McCormick Siblings story with.


**Dear Santa,**

**At the moment, I do not own South Park. Could you maybe help me with that?**

**Please?**

…**.Also, if you've got one, I'd like a pony.**

Kenny hated the cold.

He absolutely despised it. The second he turned eighteen, he planned to get the hell out of Colorado and move some place where it never snowed. Hawaii, maybe- it had seemed pretty nice that time he and Butters had visited.

As bad as it was normally in South Park, December was the worst. The temperature dropped from Phuck-That's-Cold to Jesus-Christ-Son-Of-Mary-That-Is-FREEZING in a matter of days- the universe's way of screwing with him no doubt.

The only way to avoid becoming a human popsicle was to seek shelter or develop freakish immunity to the cold like most _other_ South Park residents. Which was why, Kenny contemplated, hunching over as he walked, he was now forced to go hang out at home. No way was he freezing to death. AGAIN.

And there was always the possibility of Mom and Dad getting into another into another fight- those were hilarious.

"Poor kid cable..." He mumbled to himself, reaching the door and opening it easily-the lock had been broken for some time.

"I'm home, if anybody cares!" He kind of doubted anyone did.

"KENNY!"

Then again...

Karen scrambled over the back of the couch and ran over, smacking into him and stumbling backwards a few steps. "You're home!"

"I am! And so are you! Did they finally let the Kindergarteners out for Christmas Break?"

"Mmhm!" The way Karen was grinning made Kenny honestly consider the possibility of her face cracking. Then it switched to an 'oh!' face, and she started yanking on his hand. "And! An' you know what else? You know what else?"

"Ow. Ow. OW. Dammit midget, you're hurting me! Leggo!"

"GUESS."

"OUCH! Uh, I dunno, what?"

"THEY GAVE US STUFF."

"Oh really?" Karen was now dragging him to the kitchen- or trying to, anyway. He kept making sure to make himself slightly heavier each time she pulled, just to be annoying.

"What'd you get?"

"We got- nnh! We all got...these book things...with- NNN! Cris-mas songs. I was the only one who...could...actually read- KENNY! You're too fat! MOVE!"

"Say the magic word."

"VODKA!"

"The _real_ magic word."

"PABSTS!"

"PLEASE, MIDGET. THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS _PLEASE_. Now say it."

"Nuh-uh." Karen gave him her version of Mysterion's Patented Scowl of Doom. It didn't work as well as she might have hoped, seeing as she just looked very cute. But the potential was there, he mused. The right coaching, and a few years in the future...

"If you don't stop being a stupidhead right now, you can't have any cookies!"

That brought Kenny back down to earth quickly. Screw 'please', 'cookies' was the real magic word.

"There's cookies?"

Karen's Scowl of Doom morphed into a look of incredible smugness. She dropped his hand and sauntered off, not even bothering to talk to his face. "Yeah. They gave us cookies too, but _you_ don't get _ANY_.

'Cuz you're a STUPIDHEAD."

"More for me, then!"

To Kenny's considerable surprise, Kevin poked his head out from the kitchen. "Hey, Kenny."

"Hey." It was weird to see Kevin home again. After turning eleven, he had started spending more and more time out and away from the rest of the McCormick clan, sometimes disappearing for days on end with no explanation.

Mom complained, of course, but she didn't care enough to actually do anything about it. She had two other kids after all, which Stuart occasionally complained was too many.

"So... you're home..."

"Yeah. It's phucking cold outside, so-"

"It's coooold outsiiiide..." Karen sang, childish soprano voice nailing each note perfectly. Kevin gave a loud groan. "Aw, hell. She _just stopped_. This kid," He pointed at Karen as though Kenny might get confused if the kid in question wasn't specified. "She's already read that whole stupid carol book and _memorized all of them_. And she's been singing them ever since! Some of them aren't even Christmas songs!"

He gave a long-suffering sigh, then paused, a new thought occurring to him. He gave a grin that boded well for no one.

"Baby, it's cooold out-"

"IF YOUR NAME'S NOT ON YOUR COOKIES, THEY'RE FAIR GAME!'

He yanked his head back in the kitchen as Karen's singing turned to shrieks. "KEVIN! Those are mine! DON'T YOU DARE EAT MY COOKIES! KEEENNYYY, MAKE HIM STOOOP!"

Kenny sighed, wondering why _he_ had to be the mature one here. "KEV! Don't be a douche!"

"Oh, hey, these ones have chocolate chips AND peanut butter!"

"KENNYYYYY!"

"KEV!"

"Holy shit. _MINI CHOCOLATE MARSHMALLOWS_."

Then again, maturity wasn't really his thing. "DIBS!"

"KENNY! KENNETH, YOU STUPIDHEAD THOSE ARE _MINE_!"

"YOU DON'T NEED ALL OF THEM!"

"MIIIINE!"

"AUGH, THE LITTLE BRAT _BITES_! KENNY! KENNY, GET HER OFF!"

It might be cold _outside_, Kenny thought, shoving Kevin away from his mini marshmallow cookies. It was still pretty cold _inside_. And he was still moving to Hawaii. But in the meantime, life wasn't all that bad.


End file.
